The Small Tiger

I wrote this poem in fourth grade, the art teacher didn't like it, but to this day I still consider it one of my works of genius!

Instead black it has white
it is not quite a fright.
it is small, meek, and loving to.
But very fast!
and sometime vast.
But when it sees its prey,
it usually runs away!
It is my cat Milo!

It's the Perfect Time of Year Somewhere Far Away From Here

In eighth grade I was extremely little, very skinny, had no idea what a hair brush was, and thought it was cool to wear baggy cloths. Beauty was not a word used often when if came to me. Yet when it comes to having some of the greatest memories of my life that is when they occurred. I had two very dear friends Susan and Anthony and a boy I was crazy about. I sat next to Eric every day in band, crossing my legs really cute like with my French horn across my lap. I never looked pretty, but I felt pretty. And I was loved by this boy for having a rockin' personality.

In tenth grade I finally grew into myself, I learned what a brush was as well as a curling iron, hair spray, curlers, and clips. I still had an odd sense of fashion but had grown into myself a bit better. I was pretty ( if I'm not to bold to say). I had become rather shy, realizing that boys were something that existed, and never dating before, I was becoming more and more concerned with my appearance. When Nick came into my life and asked me to homecoming. I had some of the most exciting memories of my life from here. This boy loved me for my beauty, but I was still loved.

In eleventh grade I grew more and became more self confident. I knew what I wanted to be and why I wanted to be it, I knew who I was and why. I was sure of my life and all of my actions. I was confident enough to make it known to Owen that I loved him, because of this I have some of the sweetest, moments of my life. I was loved once again, but this time for my confidence.

I would not give any of these years up, in fact I consider them vital to the person I am today. I am not as confident as I was last year, I now am unsure of some of the things I do. I am not as care free as I was in eight grade, I think before I talk, but I am not as shy as I was in tenth grade. I am not loved by any particular boy, but I can say that this year will hold some of the most hopeful memories of my life, and that I am truly loved, by my self. Which is goal I constantly strive for.

When I Wake Up

Don't you just hate that feeling when you wake up and have that excited feeling in the pit of your stomach? When you just feel like there is a spark, something that makes today different from any other day? When you have a desire to be the best you can be, have an unseen beauty? You don't know the reason at first and then it hits you...It's a uncertainty, a nervousness, its a boy. Yeah I don't either.

Oh how silly am I?

Yesterday

Several things happened to me yesterday, of which all where rather odd. I actually gave a decent talk in English, about my views on success, life, and happiness. I was terribly embarrassed when Sachi told me she wrote it all down, word for word. Miss Tapia told me my views were amazing and Thales says I'm truly mature, Ashley claimed them fantastic, yet I still can't comprehend what is so radical about wanting to be happy in whatever you do, and realizing that the time you have now may be all you ever get, so why not just enjoy it? I just assumed everyone strived for this.

Then I lost my gift to talk like I write when I ordered Pizza, loosing all ability to speak in English. I muttered something to the beautiful pizza man....What I am not sure, but the look I received was not reassuring.

And finally around nine o'clock I gained it back, and had an amazing conversation, where for once in my life, I said what I wanted to say when I wanted to say it, with no regrets. There was no stuttering, or long pauses, tears,or awkwardness, and in between talking of what was, we talked about movies, or college. There was no hatred, or love, no distress, or anger. There was just understanding, which is odd because no one else would ever understand how one could feel alright talking, so seriously, about what was.

Some words should never be spoken
some never silenced
pride is hardly broken
a connection has been mended
but not to some final end
I am still confused and broken
but now I know a final thought:
hate is not forever,
and anger can only last so long,
but a comfort is never ending,
and while I cannot give it
to those in the greatest need
I can at least offer
to repay what was given to me.

COW of the Week

The case this week is examining last years resolutions and see how they measure up. My first resolution was to listen more, I know personally I still chat a ridiculous amount when I shouldn't and I am dead silent when I should speak up. Though I feel overall what I want to say is getting heard more, although it will always be a constant goal of mine to be more assertive...In the right places. My second was to not socialize....Well obviously that didn't happen. The third was to not gossip, yeah obviously that did not happen either, but in all fairness to me I have learned more of what is appropriate to talk about and what is not. I still do not take vitamins (which was my fourth goal) and I stopped trying to make excuses. I feel I have started to eat better though, which was my fifth and final resolution.

It does not seem like I have been very successful, but when asked have I fulfilled my resolutions, the answer is yes. Because just realizing these events and concerns makes me more aware. I know that I don't want to be this type of person: a gossiping, bad eater, who never shuts up. But I feel that I am not therefore my resolutions are successful. At least that is my mind set, I am aware that I have bits of each in me still but I like to think of my self as: a good conversationalist, who's a social eater, and just has a lot to say.

And the new year begins.