We love to Boogie (Pronounced Boooogay)

So for once I was living life instead of writing about it...but that's over. I scribbled things I wanted to write about in the back of my Mama Day book.

So on the plane ride to Denver the people had way to much fun with the intercom. Big Mike (as he was called. He was actually about 5' 2"..at most.) had like a split personality that would come on and give us orders to buckle our seat belts. Then they proceeded to sing to "Brittany in E4 since it was her birthday" we had switched seats. Britt didn't help when she started to sing happy birthday to me also. Finally when the plane landed we hear, in a creepy Darth Vader voice" Power shield has been disarmed ." Odd.

The pane ride to Washington was uneventful. But on the way home there was this teenage cheerleader and I'm assuming her kid sister, who was no older than four. The older girl was singing and dancing "We got the booty.. ooooh oooh now turn it around. (repeat)" This wouldn't have been funny or cute at all except the little girl was doing all the movements and singing the song too. Words don't do this justice.

I went to the Holocaust museum and I walked through the exhibit. I saw the wall dedicated to Anne Frank. I stared at it for a while. Then the little girl next to me said "Look Mom Anne Frank" and pointed at me. The mother proceeded to correct her. I watched a video that had survivors talking... I started to cry when a woman was telling the story of how she was standing next to her mother and they over heard the guards talking about how women with children will get gassed. So the mother runs to her other daughter and grabs her son, telling her that women with children have it easier and she couldn't do the hard labor. Right then the SS guards took her away. She made the ultimate sacrifice to her daughter. I then went into the memorial room. Candles surrounded the room and the names of all the concentration camps were on the walls. I went and lit a candle for Anne Frank and told her thanks for letting me play her. I started to ball. I have never felt such hurt over someone I didn't know. I bought her diary in hard cover. I felt like I had completed my role as Anne Frank when I left the museum.

That night we went home and watched movies I watched Casablanca but I couldn't/ didn't want to watch K-pax. (Victor Lazlo hot-hot-hot). We went to the zoo and saw the Panda's. They look like big stuffed animals, that eat. We also saw a baby elephant. Very cute!! There was protesting at DuPont circle. Fun! Fun! Dad wouldn't let me do it. He said to many people get arrested.

I went to the air and space museum and the museum of natural history. They have all kinds of interesting things ranging from red baron memorabilia to a mummy to a space ship to a Neanderthal! It is amazing.

Then Britt and I took a tour of congress...well we took a glimpse of congress and went through a lot of medal detectors! So many things were restricted. After wards we were walking over to union station and who do you thing we stand behind? Senator Liberman and his bodyguard! Which is ironic because from what I saw Liberman was big enough to take care of himself. Oh well. We walked back to dads after getting Chinese food at union station in the rain. Rain there is different from rain here. There it rains for hours, but never really pours. Its very nice.

The next day Britt and I went on the subway and there was this janitor mopping the floor and singing the blues. I wanted to stand there all day a listen to him...but I had a metro to catch! We went to the mall, four floors, 400 hundred stores, and I hated it. I thought its stupid to spend a 170 dollars on something that is designed to look old and retro and that 10,000 other people have!

On the way home there was a very cute kitty, on his collar it said "Jules Peace Live" with a peace symbol on it. I thought that was very creative send a cute kitty in the world to spread peace.

I also went to Charlottesville to see UVA and then to Williamsburg to see The College of William and Mary. Both are extremely beautiful! I get all nervous when I think about college...very nervous!

Then we went to Eastern Market on Saturday and then to eat more Chinese food. The waiter was so funny he kept trying to learn Spanish so he was repeating constantly "Me-llamo Xing" Then I flew home and watched TV with a very hot butcher who got his hand stuck in a meet grinder!

Parks Are For Lonely People.

I wrote this earlier:

I am sitting in a park. I have no reason to be here. I just thought for once I would do what everyone tells me I'm good at doing...observe. The ironic thing is not one else is here. I could observe myself but where would that get me? I'd know if I were right or wrong.

So what am I doing besides blowing bubbles and wasting my time? Well, for one I'm buttoning my coat and now I'm brushing the hair out of my face with my left hand. I'm trembling a bit. My hair fell back in my face. Waiting might be true, for a while I expect a person to show up. I have no idea who this person might be. A friend? I would hope...being that its never fun to be in a park alone with you enemy.

Ope. A jogger. She runs slow, hardly picks up her feet. She's disappearing. When I look up from writing she will be gone.

I should go to Jojo's but to do what? Hmmm. I guess write on my blog. For I am not doing a thing here except blowing bubbles and waiting.

Thoughts are for lonely people.

My Grandmother Speaks...

My first crush well. I'm not going to let you put a name in there...course he isn't living any way. No, I didn't date much in my high school years I met chili out at the college and that was it. Oh are you?(laugh) what are you putting in there I don't have my glasses so I can't read it. Talk...talk about what? Something interesting nothing happened today.

I guess interesting things happen although I don't have instant recall of any of them. Is your mom coming by tonight to get her presents? Oh Alexandra... Let me go get a cup of coffee... Well, I looked around downstairs for inspiration to talk about, but there is nothing except letters to be written, phone calls to be made... My favorite memory of Annie (her sister) ... well we used to go out to lake Gibbons in the summer time with the family and they had a diving board and a ramp in the deepest part...well the deeper part. I was envious she could swim and dive perfectly. I never learned. I used to take swimming lessons with your mom she would go to the beginners class with kids her age. and I never learned how to swim. Now what do you propose doing with all that?

"So give me something juicy...what's the juiciest thing you've ever done in your life?" Well...eat oranges. But you know that's no joke really. mom and dad would order oranges by the bushel and mom would say take them in the back yard to eat them. Those were good oranges. Now you don't know what kind of taste the oranges are going to have. Bet you never thought you'd be writing about and orange...someone is going to read that and say what a cooke.

Bush just finished his speech. His plan is basically summed up as so:Saddam must leave the country in 48 hours other wise war will begin whenever we let it begin.

Moushi! Moushi! Moushi!

The last three days have been so much fun!

Wednesday: Opening Night!! The whole cast had so much energy and the audience was amazing. They started to cat call and go "oooooo" when Oscar and I did the date seen. Two times I got an applause for that scene. Yay! Every one did a wonderful job wonderful! I was so incredibly nervous before we went on I was convinced I was going to pee in my pants. (I didn't)

Thursday: The biggest deal about today was I was called a "baller." One of the girls on the basket ball team (you know the ones that never talk to you unless they want something...) told me I did excellent and that I was a "baller" I have never been called a baller before it was rather exciting. The play was OK. Not great. Kristin calls it the Thursday syndrome. Steph said it was the audience. Oscar said it was because we had no energy. I'm not sure what it is but I will agree it wasn't our best performance. Thales came and managed to hurt Steph and I's feelings, with his look of "I'm way to good for this even though I don't do it and I'm an asshole" type of looks. Then preceded to tell us that the only worth while part about the play was when Kyle yells in German off stage. He then admitted that he lied when he said he wasn't going to come earlier. oooooo I hate lies! oh well. After the play I went to sleep and I here what I thought was my dads voice. But I tell myself logically it can't be him. I must be going crazy. If I were really going crazy I wouldn't think I was going crazy. Sure enough it was my dad! He came to see my play!!

Friday: I was once again sooooooo nervous. I think I did well. Everyone clapped again at the date scene. That made me so happy. I got a standing elevation. ( I know I know its only a St. Mikes drama play...) Mrs. Roybal said before the play that "The Diary of Anne Frank" was her first play and she played Anne Frank I was so excited that she gave the part to me, because I know it holds a special place in her heart. I did well. Nick came and told me I did wonderful. I asked him "really? truly?" To ensure he wasn't lying. He seemed genuine (Although I know he couldn't possibly have been impressed...but I almost believed he was.) Sarah told me that it was creepy how much I could turn into Anne Frank...she wondered what happened to Alex. After the play we had the cast party! Mrs. Roybal gave me and all the girls a bracelet and earrings. It was really nice. I thanked her for giving me that part. She told me I was perfect for it. I wanted to cry I was so happy.

The cast party number one: We had this one in the auditorium for all the little junior high people. Mrs. Roybal gave me the red beret, she gave Jess the pink pajamas, she gave Steph the pretty flower dress, and she gave Oscar Moushi (the stuffed cat). He pretended to not really like it, but he did. Jessica and I laughed over him and that cat for a good 2 hours. We ate pizza and had a blast.

The cast party number two: It was a secret we didn't want the junior high kids to come (except Sam he's cool). So we went to Mark Dennison's house. We are rather bad at keeping secrets. " I don't know how to get home" "Can you give me a ride to your house?" things like that were said. There we saw Sarah Dennison. Nice Girl. Oscar and I planned to scar Kyle...it didn't really work. Then I had to leave. Jess, Oscar and I all left at the same.

Now that It is all over I feel like a part of me is missing. I miss Anne (as stupid as that sounds) I haven't decided what I am going to do with the 3 hours of my life back everyday. I will figure something out.

Thanks everyone on the cast. Jess, Steph, David, Oscar, Peter, Kyle, Marj, Kristin, Mark, I love you all!! You are some of the most talented people I have ever been with in my life. I believed you all so much I had the heart breaking realization last night that Kristin is not my mother and Steph is not my sister. I had the huge disappointment that I don't really hate Kyle and that Oscar is not my boy friend. I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!!!!!! I cannot wait until the next drama play!!

A person can be lonely even if he is loved by many people, because he is still not the "One and Only" to anyone

Anne Frank said this. I think she was a genius and not just because I am playing her. By the way tomorrow is opening night. I am afraid that the person I am portraying I will also be betraying. I fear I will be a horrible Anne Frank. I will let her down. She was amazing and well I have this horrible feeling that she will be watching tomorrow night and going "ach what is wrong with that girl...people think that is me ach" I've curled my hair and I feel I know my lines well enough. I just feel that I'm not ready to be Anne. I'm not ready to portray such an innocent person, who had such a vigor for life.

She makes me always want to write. Every time I read her diary or do a certain part of the play I have this huge urge to write everything I feel down. Unfortunately I forget that I am not a decent writer. And while I am so much better at writing than I am talking I can never express my true thoughts when I want to say them. I end up saying something that I don't even really think, or understand. Then the ironic thing is later I will think of the genius thing to say...but alas it makes no sense to say in the middle of English "You cannot control hate because you cannot control love there has to be an equal balance." ( the religion conversation of last week) and on top of that I feel this huge urge to do something great...something amazing. I want to be good. Unfortunately this feeling gets lost. I have lost some sort of innocence although I cannot really place my finger on what exactly I am no longer innocent in. I feel, well I feel like a horrid person. I know Thales and others say I'm a good person, but I can't see it.

I wish I could help people and leave behind some of my selfishness, more than help people I want to understand people I want to listen. (I haven't forgotten about my new years resolution...refer to 1/2 its the COW of the week) I want to be one of those people who can truly empathize with a person. I feel so incredibly selfish...this is worsened by Owen. He did not do it intentionally how could he have known my insecurity on being selfish?

I have also decided something fundamental about my religion, if Jesus really is the only way to get to heaven. I don't want to believe in it. I refuse to believe that Anne Frank is not in heaven because she is Jewish. I refuse to believe it, more than that I have decided that I don't want to be in a heaven that is not open to Jewish people, or any other faiths. My God is not that shallow, and if he is then I don't want him to be my God.

Well, I think that is enough Alex theology for one night.

My Eyes Are Tired But My Brain Wont Stop Thinking

My dear friend my Benedril is not working. I have taken two, normally a trusty sedative, its not working. Damn it!!! Damn it fucking all.. I am lost and confused. My brain will not stop thinking.

Alex's thoughts for the next two minutes: Owen, I wonder what its like to be John Cusak. Nick is right that is him and that movie scares me. Owen dumped me..how come. so sudden, why. i don't understand. what is my list of top five favorite records of all time. did I do something wrong. What could I have said. if compilation tapes mean love I have never been in love. Owen never gave me one. did he never love me? I shouldn't analyze this. I'm tired. Milo get off. hmmmm. Owen. High fidelity. I'm wondering.I have exams tomorrow. Damn it. speech. speech!! I don't want to go. I'm all alone. It will be 3 days of High Fidelity. I don't understand Owen. He doesn't need me...he said so.

please stop thinking.

Uch, ick, Ach

That is how I would describe my day in three words (sounds?) depends how you listen to me.

I just got out of the shower, every time I get out of the shower I never want to put clothes on again. I want to run around in the nude, or as little as possible. This thought came across me again today. I always stop myself from running as soon as I get out of the shower and screaming "I'm free I'm free" because of the logical reason....the neighbors would think I was extremely perverted or crazy. Either one is not a good thing for neighbors to think...because when some one's cat goes missing who would be the first person they blame?