"I like you because you seem so innocent...I know your not, but you seem it."

realizing you are foolish and trying to stop being a fool are two completely separate issues. Both of which I deal with it seems on a regular basis.

There are good people who hang out with bad people and are negatively influenced, which seems to be a common problem in out society. I have always been the complete opposite: I am a bad person who hangs out with very good people, there for I am positively influenced.

I am very lucky. I pretty much get whatever I want and always have. spoiled. conceded, false, everything I hate in others I find is what I am afraid of in myself.

I don't feel the same as others...I never have, I am unsatisfiable. I am unhelpable and I am fine. I don't need to change myself. I don't need to become contented with my surroundings the truth is I am content with that which I work really hard to get. I love Hummingbird and always have. I love camp, because I worked for it. I beat out hundreds of other girls to be where I am today. Those challenges which are too easy are also too easily forgotten. I have plenty of negative, sketchy qualities. But I am young and need to accept that I have a whole life to obtain bliss, and at the age of 19 I can be a selfish little slutty bitch. (oh don't act like you never thought I was one)

Maybe instead of acceptance it should only be realization but I'm truly tired of disliking myself because others tell me I should. I'm tired of considering myself slutty because I hear it, or a cunt because David says so, or annoying because I read it, or a bitch because I think that's how society would judge me.

I will be my own judge from now on and be accountable for my own actions, instead of putting my artistic manipulative talents to evil I will put them into myself, and understand that I am the person I have desired to be, negative qualities and all.

And if any person ever dares to call me a slut, a bitch, a cunt, a fuck up, and whore, a awful human being, or manipulative cancer, I will probably agree, but rest assured I'm done changing.