Saturday, August 20, 2005
One Good Thing About Music...
All day today I have felt that something was missing. I am at school and maybe its just the lack of people but my heart...My heart in somewhere else. My heart is missing vital components to it. I feel lost, I feel lonely. (which is my ultimate fear besides indecision, and being a monster.) I feel a lack of confidence, of self assurance. For the first time in a long while I don't know the right answer. I don't know what comes next. I do not know what to do.I'm scared. Scared that I will loose contact with people I've grown to love. Scared that I will throw away something for nothing. Scared that I will loose what I have worked so hard to gain. I'm scared.
I take each day, day by day. And try to remember the best advice I've been given in a while:
But every now and then I think ahead or I cannot remember. Its fear that drives me, and once again I can feel the panic settling in...and I am scared of its presence.
Monday, August 01, 2005
vulnerable is what I am.
Tears brim to the surface, overflow, fall hit the ground.
I try to catch them with my fingers so they are clandestine.
"don't screw me over...please." I whisper too silently to hear
The whisper sounds like a vindictive laugh,
a laugh to enjoy the irony of a about to be broken heart,
but also to share in the bitter hatred shared by two, two many.
the river continues each tear falling between freckles,
each breath causing a pause in the path.
each plea....
"don't screw me over.."
Fear creeps into my heart, like a vine in the summer.
grows slow, slow enough not to notice until its covering the entire path.
To much is seen, always hope,
but hope is the leader of destruction, of despair.
I dream of ideals of joy and forget to watch my step.
Choose not to see the pit falls,
decide not to look over my own warning signs:
"please don't screw me over"
watch out, falling rocks ahead, next four miles.
my path becomes rocky and small
my feet begin to slip I'm wearing bad shoes,
not prepared for the pain I'm running into.
My feet and heart yell,
"please don't screw me over"
my shoes worn, souls thin, like my own from too much use
like a bum on the side of the road with a clever cardboard
"I'm vulnerable, broken hearted, and in need of food...
please don't screw me over."
all the cars pass by, some stare and remark
"poor child must of seen it coming."
poor little girl with tears in her eyes, worn soul on her feat,
a slowly hurting heart, with her non-understandable words
and tear stained dirt covered sign
with a name to blurred to read all saying
"don't screw me over...please"
Tears brim to the surface, overflow, fall hit the ground.
I try to catch them with my fingers so they are clandestine.
"don't screw me over...please." I whisper too silently to hear
The whisper sounds like a vindictive laugh,
a laugh to enjoy the irony of a about to be broken heart,
but also to share in the bitter hatred shared by two, two many.
the river continues each tear falling between freckles,
each breath causing a pause in the path.
each plea....
"don't screw me over.."
Fear creeps into my heart, like a vine in the summer.
grows slow, slow enough not to notice until its covering the entire path.
To much is seen, always hope,
but hope is the leader of destruction, of despair.
I dream of ideals of joy and forget to watch my step.
Choose not to see the pit falls,
decide not to look over my own warning signs:
"please don't screw me over"
watch out, falling rocks ahead, next four miles.
my path becomes rocky and small
my feet begin to slip I'm wearing bad shoes,
not prepared for the pain I'm running into.
My feet and heart yell,
"please don't screw me over"
my shoes worn, souls thin, like my own from too much use
like a bum on the side of the road with a clever cardboard
"I'm vulnerable, broken hearted, and in need of food...
please don't screw me over."
all the cars pass by, some stare and remark
"poor child must of seen it coming."
poor little girl with tears in her eyes, worn soul on her feat,
a slowly hurting heart, with her non-understandable words
and tear stained dirt covered sign
with a name to blurred to read all saying
"don't screw me over...please"
