An Actress Acting As If She's Not Full of Shit

Its always interesting how according to Bridget Jones when one part of your life is going inevitably well another part falls is a horrid mess.

I am so happy because I am doing well in what I long always to be doing well in....Acting.(Thought I'd say love didn't you?) I am playing Satan in the Buntport Theatre show and will be performing in Denver in their sitcom. While the other section of life...The love section...Its the horrid mess.

But secretly if I could be good at acting I dont need that. My mother was worried that I would transfer schools for a boy....I told her she didn't know what type of person I was. My first passion is drama...Any boy ever will always come second. That's a bold statement but I believe it is completely true.

The Horrid Word of Friend

I have come to hate the word "friend". It covers all manor of sins.

I went to coffee with Owen to catch up and see how he was. We ran into some people he knew and each time he introduced me as such "This is my friend Alex". The whole time I thought: I am not/ nor was I ever your friend. We were not friends before we dated and were certainly not friends afterwards. Why don't you call me what I am "this is my x-girlfriend Alex". Mannie and Miguel did the same thing even though I was with both of them each time I was always introduced as "a friend" if I was lucky "a really good friend". The most obvious memory is standing in a parking lot holding hands with Miguel and him introducing me to Stephanie Dallness as "a really good friend". Once again I wanted to be honest and say: cut the bullshit..She knows I'm not just a good friend, I know that, and you better know that. "Friend" has become the lazy word for the unexplained. The word for a relationship that no one wants to take the time to define. Friendship is not being with some one, friendship does not involve kissing or sex. Friendship does involve talking, it involves secrets. Friendship is a bond between people that is pure. Relationships of a romantic type are hardly ever pure.

My suggestion for words to use besides this horridly misused word of "friend":
is to use the word that discribes that person for real in your eyes. Even if it becomes as crude as "This is my hookup buddy Alex". If one is not happy admitting that to people because it sounds sleazy well then the relationship should be redefined now shouldn't it?

Of course after looking into the word "friend" (thanks to dictionary.com) I might be completely wrong. It means:

A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts.
A person whom one knows; an acquaintance.
A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade.
One who supports, sympathizes with, or patronizes a group, cause, or movement: friends of the clean air movement.

Word History: A friend is a lover, literally. The relationship between Latin amcus friend and am I love is clear, as is the relationship between Greek philos friendand phile I love. In English, though, we have to go back a millennium before we see the verb related to friend. At that time, frond, the Old English word for friend, was simply the present participle of the verb fron, to love. The Germanic root behind this verb is *fr-, which meant to like, love, be friendly to. Closely linked to these concepts is that of peace, and in fact Germanic made a noun from this root, *frithu-, meaning exactly that.

However truly one might be justified in the use of the word friend when discribing a lover..I highly doubt this is understood by most people.

Seriously lets take a moment how much better it would be to say: "This is my bedfellow Alex" or "my armpiece Alex" "This is the girl I am secretly in love with, Alex.", "This is Alex the person I would be with but don't want a relationship","This is Alex a girl I used to love but now just think is creepy" probably the best "This is my well-wisher Alex".

From now on I want to be honest in my relationships and if I don't know what they are I will introduce them as "This is so and so". But do not be fooled if you are not a friend of mine I will not say that you are.

A Break From Boys To Worry About The Weather...

The sand covers the ground here. The cold wind creates a chill. There is no rain. There are no real trees. There are mainly junipers and what is left of the pinons that were not destroyed a couple of years ago. I have grown up accustom to being able to see a horizon. I have grown up knowing that there are hundred of miles between me and where the world suddenly begins to drop away. Being a drama major I sometimes wonder if the mountains are not really elaborately painted flats.

Every now and then a thought will posses me for a while, as of late it has been the difference of my home compared to others. My land being as above described. My home being a consolation of dryness and sunshine. But there are those who go home to the ocean or to giant trees, or to a city, or rain, constantly grey, with no horizons, all from a very different type. There are homes where the majority of color is green or blue, or grey. Not here, here it is brown and tan. I have always loved how ancient people, especially natives always live near the place that is holiest in the world. Isn't that what home is in an extreme since? The place you know where you came from, the place that began it all? The place that if you are allowed to go back to provides security?

Loving New Mexico is as simple as loving culture and as complicated as loving it as well. There is another type of person here with another history. These histories often have very little to do with American History. They relate much more to a family, a direct place, a beginning in travels from Spain, from Mexico, from the center of the earth. Most true native New Mexicans are related to each other. There is an understanding. A bond.

I was told I was from Colorado Springs the other day and was quite dissatisfied. I corrected the mistake politely and said "I go to school there. My home is Santa Fe." But as I write that I wonder what exactly besides being grown here allows for such a name?