My Eyes are as Big as Quarters and I can't See a Thing.

Often I can't catch up with life. I have always had the feeling I am behind. What I mean by this is when I was twelve I was still way more into playing with Barbies than boys, I didn't get a boyfriend until tenth grade. I was late on the whole thong wearing thing, and normally I am a year behind in fashion. Even my voice tends to follow this pattern I talk like I'm nine. I find myself worrying about this year because what if I'm not ready? What if I am the year behind like normal? My life will go on, but will I catch up? I feel like I am running a losing race and falling behind even more. I'm being lapped by my peers and left behind on, the black surface of my lane, only to finish and find I'm alone on the AstroTurf. I'm running as fast as I can and yet I'm in the dust. Ben Rogers is first, followed by Nick and Connor and Bridget and Liz Roney and Katie Alward. Running ahead to meet life and I am here, breathing hard with tears from my eyes and I'm not sure if its because I'm so tired I can't go on or because I'm so hurt I don't want to. I can't expect any of them to wait for me, that would be asking to much when your ahead of life you don't have time to wait for it. I only wish I could catch up, or have a moment to catch my breath.

My Day in One Word

Run! Go! Change! No! Leave! Walk! Sit! Stay! Tuck in! Dont Sin! Shake! Listen! Find! Live! Do! See! Be! Silent! Talk! Locker! Home! Field! Eat! Drink! Read! Write! Run again! Ball! Goal! SHIT!!

COW of the Week

The COW took a brief vacation but now is back!
I have two cases for this week, the first one being we started school, oh I hate it. And the second one being I almost died today, my sister and me got into my car. We smelled gas really bad but thought it was the other cars, I was almost out of the school parking lot when my car stalled, I kept trying to restart it and restart it, it was dead. Then Sara got behind me and I tried to wave her on but she just thought I was saying "hi." When I opened my door to tell her to go on I saw gas everywhere, running all through the parking lot. I got my car towed and the mechanic said my car should have blown up. Yet I feel I am being way over dramatic on this whole story.

Ode To Summer

Today, while the blossoms still cling to the vine
I'll taste your strawberries, I'll drink your sweet wine
A million tomorrow's shall all pass away
ere I forget all the joys that are mine today.

I'll be your dandy and I'll be your rover
you know who I am by the song that I sing
I'll feast at your table, I'll sleep in your clover
who cares what tomorrow shall bring.

Today, while the blossoms still cling to the vine
I'll taste your strawberries, I'll drink your sweet wine
A million tomorrow's shall all pass away
ere I forget all the joys that are mine today.

I can't be contented with yesterdays glories
I can't live on promises winter to spring
today is a new day and now here's my story
I'll laugh and I'll cry and I'll sing.

Today, while the blossoms still cling to the vine
I'll taste your strawberries, I'll drink your sweet wine
A million tomorrow's shall all pass away
ere I forget all the joys that are mine today.

Here's Looking at You...Kid

Over the past year or so I have been told repetitively that I am an adult, I am big. I was a counselor and was in charge of others. I am going to be a senior and 18. I have responsibility's and priorities. I am in charge and I'm on top of the high school food chain....

And then Greg (the Greg) calls me kid. "Hey kid how you doing?" "Good seeing you again kid" (while patting my head) "hey kid, how you holding up?" The world of being big crashes down upon me and once again I am six. I am little. Seniors are inconsequential, compared to college kids. 18 means nothing to a 23 year old. SAT's, how about GRE's or MCAT's...high school is lost. Sitting in a to-big-for-me chair with what feels like my feet are dangling, all I can think is I'm little.

Then I realize a 23 year old is nothing to a 30 year old, just as a 30 year old is nothing compared to a 50 year old and a 50 year old is young to a person who is 80. And once you really are on top of the age chain, once you are truly "big"...you've really just shrunken and are back to having someone take care of you and ask you "how you doing, Nana" " "Nana how you holding up?" Funny how that works.

God Camp

I had an absolute blast! I met some of the nicest people in the world. I actually felt for once that I was truly doing my part to help. I worked at a blind community center and met a really nice woman named Arlene. She was a southern Baptist, black lady, who was just sooooooo sweet. We took the blind people to a model train museum, made arts and crafts with them, and mainly just kept them company. It was so much fun.

On Wednesday we went to the beach, let me tell you there is nothing better than having waves crash into you and lifting you up off your feet, rushing past your head, and then bringing you back down. I wish I could have stayed in that moment forever.

Thursday we went down to Mexico, and saw the border and how the wall goes into the Ocean. Then we went to the Lasallian school there and had a prayer service and a party. It looked like one of those doctor pepper commercials, you know a party in a court yard. There was the best food I have ever had, including Taco's. The school hired a mariachi band to play. Then they put on music, I got to dance to Achy, brakey heart in Spanish, and that song that goes "The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire." This was another moment I could have lived in forever. How lucky am I to have two of those moments in one week?

I met awesome people including Jimmy, Carlos, and a kid named Peter Brady! ( how awesome is that, to be named after a Brady Bunch Character)? I was very sad to leave.