Happy New Year

OK so this is the last post of the year (ooooh ahhhhh) but before I get into new year resolutions I should tell you about my trip to DC. It was so fun, I really like spending time with dad, and we got to do a lot of interesting things....None of which I can think to name right now. I met Janet dads new girl friend, she's very nice, and if you are wondering what she is like I can tell you: mom. But that isn't necessarily a bad thing (unless they both start with the hoe jokes)
year

OK so my resolutions for this year:

1. To never ask "How are you?" with out truly wanting an answer.

2. To ask a ridiculous amount of questions

3. To get things the way I want them ( I'm mainly talking about hot tea, when I asked for ice tea, I need to be brave enough to stand up the the waitress!)

4. To enjoy the year ahead of me and realize that it is going to be one of the best years of my life.

5. To be more positive. ( and to kick some one's ass with my words!(not that I like being mean mind you...but everyone should do it at least once) any volunteers?)

Alex's remedies For Unhappiness (at least Temporarily)

1.Take a mental health day.
2. Wear no makeup
3. Intentionally mess up your hair....Put odd things in it, try a new hair style.
4. Wear your favorite out fit...Of the day. Like a pink fifties dress, with pleats that go to your knees
5. Don't where shoes ( A thing that I rarely like to do)
6. Listen to the Cd's "Stunt" by The Bare Naked Ladies, "Stripped" By Christina Agualara, And any Spice Girl CD you posses. ( you know you own one...)
7. Sing along to these songs, and if its spice girls you must dance.
8. Watch a movie..Preferably a romantic comedy, and/ or British (Bridget Jones Diary, or Chocolate fit great)
9. Eat any thing and everything.
10. Laugh
11. Then cry... It makes you feel better.
12. Make up scenes and act them out in your mirror.
13. Give yourself an Oscar for the scene you acted. ( acceptance speeches are always nice)
14. Finally decide how you want to change for tomorrow.
15. Realize that you won't ever change tomorrow.

From the Editor

Dear Brian,
PAY ATTENTION TO ME!! PAY ATTENTION TO ME! I have to admit you are one of my favorite people and understand two sides of me that many people don't even know about: my obsession with the X-files, and Christina Agulara. I love how you always make my day brighten by signing "Dirty" or "ooh baby you want me?".Your style is rockin' and your enthusiasm over star trek and the x-files in truly admirable. I have known you since sixth grade, and you haven't lost that wonderful spirit and carefree boldness. No one is out of bounds for an impression or a comment by you. You talk to everyone and I think that is an amazing talent. Not to mention you looked so suave when you came to get me for homecoming (who's the sex machine with all the chicks?) I love that your not afraid to dance to "dirty" with me. I think my favorite memory with you is when you ran up and started dirty dancing with me right in front of Owen and then while grinding you turned to him and said "sorry I'm humping your girlfriend".I also think that it is hilarious that you won't ever really slap my ass. Your are the only boy I know that could get away with trying to lift my skirt up and not get slapped. You always think of me whether its getting key chains with X-files stuff on it or sending me post cards from Europe, and I love that. Your a fantastic artist, even if one of your drawings is of me Catherine Zeta, kissing Andy. I have so many wonderful things to say about you I could go on forever and ever. Stay cool always and remember I love you bebe!

Utopia INC.

I never fully understood why Nick Kapustinsky would not do drama at St. Mikes... Oh I understood the annoyances: No real stage, no curtain, lights that default, sound that defaults, bad sets, no props, bad actors, a nice but very loud coach.... He always thought he could and still can do better than this. That there was more to acting. Yet for me the chance to act always over powered all of this.

As long as I can remember I have had the secret urge to be in the spot light, hear the applause, live in that life. My child hood years where spent being made up characters. I constancy put on shows for my parents, wore costumes, created moves and pretend sets. All for the fun of it. I have always loved acting, its apart of me...

My desire as an actress is to be like an ephemeral moth, live for about 3 days as another person, get drawn to the light, have that be your whole focus, and then die. In the words of Dave Matthews: "when I step into the light my arms are open widely, when I step into the light my eyes searching blindly would you not like to be sitting on top of the world with your legs hanging free?"

So then why did I feel like Nick when it came to this play?
Its not that the play was bad, or anything... just my heart was somewhere else. I love all the people, please understand that, I think there is an extreme amount of talent. It sounds very selfish to say but I felt I was to big for this stage. I guess I will never fully understand why.

"I love acting. It is so much more real than life."
Wish me luck darlings...tonight in opening night!

Mirror, Mirror...

If my heart were not broken, if my mind was not torn, if I wasn't in pieces then I wouldn't be adorn. I am talked and hushed about. Oh how lovely to hear, the silenced words that are echoed when I am not near! There is passion and hunger here! Eat when your hungry and drink when your full. Run while you can and hide when you can't. Try to get through the day, swallow your pride, everyone is gossip and then sat aside. If I ate everything up where would I be? I need the drama just as everyone needs me. I want to be the dish, the center, the focus. Oh how I wish! You can't stop me. I'll do what I want. If you have something to say then please stab me in the front. So here in my chant to all who wish to chase: catch my if you want to taste. Swallow me, devour me, rip me apart, your mouth will be silence and your drama lost. And I will have paid the ultimate cost.

How True

This man is boring. He only wants to talk about himself. I want to talk about myself.

But you understand...

COW of the Week

The list of events Alex has enjoyed over the past week:
1. The surprise party thrown by my family and friends
2. Watching Cabaret
3. Finding that I had black knee highs that go above my knees
4. Realizing while talking to Thales that I am happy.
5. Feeling greatly relieved when the new "I heart Metal" song called " Alex the sentimental, pathetic bitch" was not written by Owen. Even more relieved to find out the singers name was Alex.

Birthday!

So today I am 18. wow. 18 who knew?

I'm wondering when does getting presents loose its fun?

A Thought

He walks ahead, striding, searching for someone, looking for something to hold on to, anything to appreciate. And I scream silently "turn around."

I am what is called "a day later genius" If only my revelations could be on time.

For Kyle

I do not know when my mind changed when I became part of the grown-up world. I assume when one lives under another's customs eventually they become your own. The little prince appeared to me, on the third day and asked me to write the word sheep. I could not understand why he would want it written when I had already drawn him one, but I obliged and wrote out the word "sheep", along with the sketch I was working on. The little prince looked confused and then went away. He returned a few moments later with the picture of the box in hand along with the word "peesh". I told him that was not how you spell sheep, he said very concerned "Why then, did you tell me to spell it that way?" I was struck I had spelled sheep right, but forgetting I was not the one who needed to know how to spell sheep ( for I had concerned myself with matters of spelling and geography since the age of six)I had written the words to face me and upside down "sheep" is spelled "peesh". I realized my mind is not in the same place it was, I alas, have never read a word that is upside down before.Grown-ups, including myself, are very odd indeed.

"But I, alas, do not know how to see sheep through the walls of boxes. Perhaps I am a little like the grown-ups. I have had to grow old."

Odd...

I'm speech president...doesn't really feel deserved...I shouldn't be a leader of anything, let alone something about talking...Odd (please don't leave comments how about how much I deserved it... this is not a pity sentence)

In lighter news my ass really hurt all day today and I couldn't figure out why, then while taking my cloths off I discovered what appears to be five scratches on my ass, about three to five inches in diameter, in the shape of a claw...Odd ( don't leave me whore jokes for comments either. )

COW of the Week

Has anyone ever noticed on the comments if I get one or less it says "Poseurs" and if I get two or more its comments? What is that?

Oh hey and if your looking for some fun try this:Click here to "Shizzolate that shit" Kristin gave me the web site... believe me its worth trying.

Universe of Two

Once I knew a boy
and then he changed
and I hated him
I couldn't stand to look at him
but he should of noticed me
and then I changed
and I couldn't stop staring
I wanted to talk to him non stop
and then I changed,
when he changed
creating two new people.
and then he moved.
and then I stayed,
like two revolving planets
never touching or stopping
always spinning,
creating a universe of two.

Flowers For Alex

The other day I was driving down the street on my way to the Steak Smith to have a LaSallian Youth Meeting and I started to think how long it had been since anyone had given me flowers and how much I really like that. For getting flowers means one of two things: A. There is something really important in your life happening like Graduation or a Dance, or B. Someone really likes you. I love feeling special so I get rather excited when I receive flowers. While I was thinking on this I really wished I had a reason to get flowers. I kept driving and I went around the curve and in the middle of the road there was a bunch of cut sunflowers sitting there. I stopped my car and got out and picked up the flowers. The rest of my day was rather pleasant.

My Eyes are as Big as Quarters and I can't See a Thing.

Often I can't catch up with life. I have always had the feeling I am behind. What I mean by this is when I was twelve I was still way more into playing with Barbies than boys, I didn't get a boyfriend until tenth grade. I was late on the whole thong wearing thing, and normally I am a year behind in fashion. Even my voice tends to follow this pattern I talk like I'm nine. I find myself worrying about this year because what if I'm not ready? What if I am the year behind like normal? My life will go on, but will I catch up? I feel like I am running a losing race and falling behind even more. I'm being lapped by my peers and left behind on, the black surface of my lane, only to finish and find I'm alone on the AstroTurf. I'm running as fast as I can and yet I'm in the dust. Ben Rogers is first, followed by Nick and Connor and Bridget and Liz Roney and Katie Alward. Running ahead to meet life and I am here, breathing hard with tears from my eyes and I'm not sure if its because I'm so tired I can't go on or because I'm so hurt I don't want to. I can't expect any of them to wait for me, that would be asking to much when your ahead of life you don't have time to wait for it. I only wish I could catch up, or have a moment to catch my breath.

My Day in One Word

Run! Go! Change! No! Leave! Walk! Sit! Stay! Tuck in! Dont Sin! Shake! Listen! Find! Live! Do! See! Be! Silent! Talk! Locker! Home! Field! Eat! Drink! Read! Write! Run again! Ball! Goal! SHIT!!